I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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