I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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