There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
