who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
