i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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