Can Purell be used as lube?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize