I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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