The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
