I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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