Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How does it feel to date your dad?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize