Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
