in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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