You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
