when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
