Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
