What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
