I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
