You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
