Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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