If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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