Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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