Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
