Everything about him screamed your future.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
