We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I want a musical about memes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
