Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's always time for handjobs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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