At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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