I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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