I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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