oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
