sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
