he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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