Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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