Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
