my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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