The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
