I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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