Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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