so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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