I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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