I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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