My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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