WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
