if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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