My hand turned me down
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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