I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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