Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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