so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
