I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
