Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
