She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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