my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
