we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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