I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
