I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
