omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
