Plan B is the new Plan A
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
