He disabled his match.com account in front of me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
