You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
