I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
