My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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