Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
