You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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