i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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